I can hardly manage to get through the workday today, I’m all on pins and needles until I can get to the comic book store today and get my grubby paws on Identity Crisis # 5 (of 7). Identity Crisis is a glitzy new ground-breaking series by award-winning mystery novelist Brad Meltzer. It revolves, so far, around the murder of Sue Dibny, the wife of The Elongated Man (The Stretchable Sleuth!), a one-time member of the Justice League of America. A classic locked-room mystery, where the murderer got in through a fool-proof security system, while Elongated Man was off staking out a crime scene.
Oh, and it was the night of his surprise birthday party.
Oh, and his wife was pregnant, and was going to surprise him with the EPT home pregnancy test that showed positive.
Oh, and as it turns out, the grieving Elongated Man and his ex-Justice Leaguer cronies have apparently been harboring a secret for years, the fact that Sue Dibny was raped by the villainous Dr. Light, and in retribution the super-heroes used magic to alter his personality and turn him into a goofball. And in fact, may have turned a whole bunch of other super-villains into goofballs.
It’s a far cry from the days when Lex Luthor would build a super robot worth billions of dollars and then use it to steal a thousand bucks from the First Metropolis Saving and Trust, but there are so many delicious teases so far that I can’t put it down! Like, another super-hero’s wife was attacked but survived. And, like, Dr. Light remembers Batman being at the scene of the rape, but the other super-heroes DON’T remember him being there. And, like, Lois Lane just got a note from the killer indicating that she’s next on the hit list (although my money’s actually on Jimmy Olsen getting it). And we’ve yet to get the results of Sue Dibny’s autopsy, which I’m sure will show that she wasn’t pregnant at all.
Jet is patiently indulgent of my obsession, as long as he doesn’t have to go into a comic book store WITH me, as they are always poorly lit and in disarray, and have disturbing names like “Collector’s Crypt” or “The Closet of Comics”. Which is a shame, because every time I go in, there’s a heated discussion about who would win in a fight between Snuffy Smith and Catwoman, or if Robin has to shave his legs, or if Wonder Woman’s a lesbian, or something of the like.
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Dick Cheney, who incidentally is a war criminal, continues to warn of the imminent danger of nuclear or biological attack to places like Waterloo, Iowa, undoubtedly high on the terrorist “must-strike” list.
Ummmm….where exactly does the “America and the world are safer with Saddam Hussein out of power” part come in?
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I have come to the unhappy conclusion that I’m addicted to sleep aids. But only on Mondays and Tuesdays.
My drug of choice is The Science Channel, which is where they shuffled off all the programming from The Discovery Channel once The Discovery Channel started showing Trading Spaces and Monster Garage 24 hours a day.
During the week, The Science Channel has theme nights, much like The Mickey Mouse Club but with heavier textbooks. Monday is “Prehistoric Planet”, with shows about cavemen and dinosaurs and such, and Tuesday is “Cosmic Odyssey”, with lots of things narrated by Patrick Stewart and William Shatner.
We have an odd cable arrangement, in that we have analog cable in the bedroom and digital in the living room, and The Science Channel only comes on digital. Since Jet disdains having television on while he’s trying to sleep, I have gotten into the habit of leaving halfway through The Daily Show and trotting out to the sofa with my pillow and blanket, finishing the Daily Show and then switching straightaway to The Science Channel. Whereupon I fall into a sound sleep immediately (it often takes me a half hour or more to fall asleep in the bedroom with the television off.) At 2:10 am precisely, Dino comes to check on me (or to try and get me to play, I can’t quite tell ) and I go back to the bedroom and sleep soundly the rest of the night.
So there you have it. I’m a dirty addict. I can abstain Wednesday through Sunday, so far, as the themes are stupid and I tend to lie awake fuming that there isn’t something more intriguing for me to fall asleep to. Am I wrong for being so blatantly indulgent?
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You’ll be gratified to know that all the young, healthy members of Congress have managed to get their flu shots. The CDC considers them at high risk because “they shake hands a lot”.
Turn your head if you’re averse to obscenity.
Assholes.
Thank you.
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