The Circus is a Wacky World

I long for the day when I can give you hard-hitting, up-to-the-minute Hollywood gossip, but for now you’ll have to settle for a tidbit about the Landers sisters. For those too young to remember the 70’s, or had dates on Saturday nights when Love Boat, Fantasy Island, and BJ and the Bear aired, the Landers Sisters are America’s home-grown answer to the Gabors – that is, a mother and her two daughters who all look roughly the same age, are famous for doing nothing, and parlay that fame-for-nothingness into guest shots on bad TV shows. Between them, they have racked up one each of Buck Rogers and Battlestar Galactica; three Charlie’s Angels; four Love Boats; and a whopping eight Fantasy Islands.

According to their website, principal production on their new feature film, Circus Island, is finished “on time and on budget!” The film, again according to the website, is “A feature film in which two estranged sisters reunite, and due to life's circumstances, are forced to blend their very different backgrounds and families to live together under the Big Top.” My sources close to the production tell me it also manages to seamlessly incorporate a love triangle and manatee rehabilitation, does indeed take place on a “circus island” (!) , and is staggering in its awfulness. Which means it’s not to be missed. Make your mental notes now, as it most assuredly won’t be distributed to theaters and will probably have to be tracked down, at great trouble and expense to the connoisseur of horrible film.

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I know I told you a couple of weeks ago that I hate Heloise. But I really hate Heloise. This morning’s column had a letter which began, “Dear Heloise, what to do with all those leftover hard-cooked eggs?”

Who the f*&# has leftover hard-cooked eggs??!? Why would you go to the trouble of boiling eggs if you didn’t have an immediate use for them? And even if you’re, say, a working gal on the Adkins diet, and you cook up a bunch of hard-boiled eggs to take in your lunch pail, wouldn’t you, like, only boil a dozen or so? At two a day that would last a week, WHY would you have enough left over that you would need to worry about “what to do” with them?

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I’m about to sound really racist. So if you don’t want your image of me marred, stop reading.

So, I was driving to work this morning. I was cut off three times, by three different people who then proceeded to get in front of me and drive really slow. I was delayed by having to wait for someone to move who had driven out into the middle of an intersection as if there was no traffic coming in either direction, which there was. And I was almost hit by someone who decided to turn left from a lane that was not the left turn lane, even though they had plenty of opportunity to get into the left turn lane.

Here’s the racist part. All of the above were Hispanic. And though this was a particularly bad day, I have noticed that Hispanic drivers are especially aggressive.

So why, is it a cultural thing? Do Hispanic countries have unusually lax driving laws? I’m not trying to sound like an idiot, or be insulting, or say that ONLY Hispanics are bad drivers (and honestly, they’re not bad, just aggressive). I just really want to know if there’s some sociological explanation for my observation, or if it’s all in my head.

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Number 1 in a new ongoing series of untrue things that will make my head blow off if I hear one more time: "Terrorists hate Freedom".

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That’s all for now, keep those cards and letters coming, and be sure to check today’s Found Foto!