Okay, so he’s a kook…. it makes for interesting workplace reading.
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PIPA, the Program on International Policy Attitudes at the University of Maryland has issued a report finding that a majority of Bush supporters believe things about the world that are objectively untrue, while the majority of Kerry supporters dwell in the reality-based community.
The dittohead apples don’t fall far from the administration tree, I suppose. This news comes at the same time that the administration has decided to stand by its approval of a book, on sale at National Park gift shops, that states Noah’s Flood formed the Grand Canyon.
What exactly is the process by which one claims political asylum in, say, Denmark?
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Little Sister Bamm-Bamm, who is an avid concertgoer, was at a Cake concert last night (the band, not the dessert) and ran into our old neighbor Leeza Niemenschmeider (name changed to protect the innocent). The Niemenschmeiders lived behind us in our childhood neighborhood, separated by an alley. They had a strange little house, which was tall and narrow, and always under renovation because Mr. Niemenschmeider would start projects that he never finished. I mean, literally, their kitchen cupboards were being re-faced for, like, twenty-some years.
There were two older Niemenschmeider sisters, slightly older than me, and Leeza, who was LSBB’s age. The oldest, Carrie May, was smart and sensible, and about four feet tall when she reached adulthood. The middle girl, Janice, was tall and dark, and had that “fast girl” sort of look when she reached high-school age. Leeza sort of split the middle, though according to LSBB she hasn’t aged well (more on that later).
Their mother, Hyacinth (Hy for short), was the neighborhood babysitter-slash-busybody. When I was four, Mother Rubble took up a job at the Highlights for Children plant, and I had to go to Hy’s house for half-days til I started kindergarten. The Niemenschmeiders had all sorts of neat things that we didn’t have at our house, like Don’t Break the Ice and Mousetrap, and a sit-n-spin, and Hy always tried to get me to do puzzles and things that were educative, but I was always more intent on watching television – and let me tell you, it was a constant battle. The morning line-up on the local CBS affiliate included Captain Kangaroo, Luci’s Toy Shop, The Lucy Show, and Gomer Pyle USMC, and as I recall there was some intricate set of negotiations to go through – like, I could watch Lucy and Gomer if I didn’t watch BOTH Captain and Toy Shop, unless Toy Shop was doing a live telecast from the State Fair, in which case I could watch the whole line-up. But then I had to take a nap so Hy could watch her “ladies’ programs”.
They also had a beagle that barked ALL THE TIME with NO provocation, who was good only for one thing, to have litters of puppies, by which we got our beloved mongrel Socks, who despite his maternal parentage was a giant sheepdog-looking thing.
Funny and gross story: when Leeza was being born, Carrie May and Janice came to spend the night at our house. Carrie May, despite being smart and sensible, decided to teach me the secret way she had to wake up Janice from a deep sleep, which involved sticking her finger up her own butt and then holding it under Janice’s nose. I don’t make this stuff up. Why do you think I have to change names?
Later, I developed a sort-of crush on Carrie May, and for at least a solid year would “help” her on her afternoon paper route. She and Janice both had routes for the Columbus Dispatch, which was the evening paper when Columbus was a 2-paper town, and their father had built them giant wheeled carts, painted orange, with which to deliver their wares. Janice was mean, so I preferred to aid Carrie May in her rounds (which actually involved me pretty much just walking alongside her, and collecting a quarter at the end for a candy bar or a pair of wax lips).
Carrie May Niemenschmeider
LSBB was also taken to Hy’s house when she came of age, and remembers Hy being quite a bit meaner than I do. Maybe she was harder on girls, being the mother of so many herself.
LSBB also faced the wrath of the Niemenschmeider daughters. Once when Janice was babysitting, and LSBB was tinkling before bedtime and asked if she could sing on the toilet because it was her favorite thing (oh, the preciousness!), Janice said NO!
Janice Niemenschmeider
Leeza was also particularly torturous to our little LSBB. LS took her revenge by pulling a chair out from under her while she was practicing flute (which, I might add, was a legacy instrument, passed down from Big Sister BB to me and bought for a good price by the Niemenschmeiders). This brazen act of defiance resulted in Mother Rubble having to be called home from the Highlights for Children plant in the middle of the day, and I imagine was near the end of our association with the Niemenschmeiders.
Leeza Niemenschmeider
Hy Niemenschmeider remains the best source of gossip from the old neighborhood, as she knows everybody’s business and is quick to report it. Mother Rubble, whenever she passes through town, always drops in on her unannounced.
So, LS happened upon Leeza last night, and she has crow’s feet and a hot boyfriend (I guess the town gossip that she was a lesbian are false), and was dressed like she just finished a leisurely game of tennis at the club, and she was drunk, and apologized for being mean so much. Warms the heart, doesn't it?
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