Okay, I may lose some of you with the next two. Valley of the Dinosaurs has been largely ignored, having premiered the same magical autumn as the more popular and much-beloved Land of the Lost. But, since VotD premiered fully a month before LotL, I have to give my Valley peeps credit for launching a life-long love of dinosaurs, valleys, and buff young cavemen wearing loincloths.
The show revolves around the Butler family, who are rafting down the Amazon River (maybe not the most family-friendly vacation spot) and are sucked down into a whirlpool. They end up in a prehistoric land and are befriended by a caveman family, and the Butler family spends the rest of the series condescendingly teaching the brutish savages how to make useful things, like soap, fishing rods and espresso machines.
Lok was the buff young son of the cave family, who had a thing for the Butler’s similarly-aged daughter (who looked remarkably like a young Susan Dey). Contrary to cartoon custom of the day, the teenage characters were not the sole focus of the show. The comedy bits were given to the Butler’s dog and the cave family’s pet (!) stegosaurus, and the problem solving was always done by father Butler (except on the rare occasion when the producers threw a bone to the cave father, in the interest of showing that cavemen aren’t always backward morons). So Lok and his gal-pal did a lot of standing around looking pretty.
The cards pictured above were found in packages of Wonder Bread, and though I remember having the cards, I don’t remember how I acquired them, as Wonder Bread was far too fancy to have ever been seen at the Rubble household. Store brand was good enough for us! Perhaps I stole them from one of my little friends. Around the same time, I stole a pack of Viewmaster slides from the Big Bear, with pictures from Land of the Lost (although I had no Viewmaster to view them with). Mother Rubble discovered the crime, and dragged me back to the store to confess, assuring me that there was nothing she could do if they decided to take me to jail. And you see, I’ve been a good boy ever since!
2. Clarabelle Cow, Walt Disney Cartoons
So low on the totem pole, she even ranks below the shrewish Daisy Duck and Johnny-come lately Gyro Gearloose. On a recent trip to Disney World, Jet Screamer spent many a patient hour waiting for me to scour a gift shop for a single image of my beloved Clarabelle, to little avail (I did buy the only thing they had, a mini-milk pail filled with packets of coffee creamer. I cherish it to this day).
Clarabelle, like yours truly, is an odd mixture of liberated views and traditional values. She is always seen in a modest, floor-length skirt, and one can only imagine the undergarments necessary to conceal a full rack of udders. The more liberated Daisy resents how Clarabelle is satisfied to spend her time guzzling soda-pop with her beau, Horace Horsecollar, and not in a more original pursuit.
On the other hand, her inter-species romances show a remarkably forward-thinking worldview. She has apparently been engaged to the aforementioned Horace, a horse, for about sixty years. (These things happen. I had an uncle who was “engaged” to his girlfriend for that long. They ended their days living in sin.) Clarabelle also spent much of the 1960’s dating Goofy, and who knows what the hell HE is.
Ignored by Americans since Lindbergh crossed the Atlantic, Clarabelle (like David Hasselhoff) has enjoyed huge success in Europe. Next time you’re at a fancy cocktail party with Europeans, bring up her name and see if their eyes don’t just light up with delight! Here’s a translation guide:
German: Klarabella Kuh
Danish: Nora Malkeko
Finnish: Heluna Ammu
French: Clarabelle
Italian: Clarabella
Dutch: Clarabella Koe
Norwegian: Klara Ku
Swedish: Klarabella Ko
And now, the moment you’ve all been breathlessly awaiting……
1. Ethel Mertz, I Love Lucy
Ethel, we love you. Who couldn’t? While I grew up knowing only of the far less frumpy “Viv” on The Lucy Show (which I would watch in carefully planned rotation with Captain Kangaroo, Luci’s Toy Shop and Gomer Pyle, USMC, against my day-care provider’s better judgement), as an adult I came to appreciate Vivian Vance’s energentic performance as Ethel, Lucy and Ricky’s ex-Vaudevillian landlady.
And surely, there has not been a more put-upon actress than Ms. Vance, has there? Not only was she paired with an old druink twenty-five years her senior (William Frawley, who himself is a great performer, though he can barely contain the shakes from episode to episode), but she was contractually obligated to remain at all times fifteen pounds heavier than Lucille Ball, so as never to appear too glamorous. And yet, she remained true to Lucy the rest of her days. Brings a tear to me eye.
Vivian got her big break understudying for Ethel Merman in “Anything Goes”, and was signed by Desi Arnaz to play America's archetypal wacky neighbor. She was rewarded by becoming the first winner of a supporting actress Emmy in history.
Ethel was always willing to risk life, limb, and Fred’s wrath by helping Lucy in one of her schemes, which always involved tricking Ricky in order to get Lucy 1) more money, or 2) on stage, even though Ethel was clearly the poorer of the two, as well as the more talented (at least within the conceit of the show). So loyal was Ethel that she talked her skinflint husband into accompanying the Ricardos to Hollywood, Europe, and moving with them to Connecticut to live on a chicken farm. Only one time did Ethel refuse to help, and luckily Betty Hutton was guest starring that day and was able to fill in. (Lucy exclaimed, “Betty, you’re just what I’ve always dreamed of – Ethel Mertz with money!”)
Ethel, with or without money, the underdogs of the world salute you. Remember, the meek shall inherit the Earth!
Tomorrow – comic strips that should be banned from the newspaper, according to ME! Plus – reader mail!
No comments:
Post a Comment