Make it so: The Politics of Star Trek

And speaking of supermarkets, why can I go NOWHERE without seeing Dr. Phil’s leering face peering back at me? I know hate is a strong word, but I hate Dr. Phil with every fiber of my being.

First, the obvious reason: he’s fat. And he’s making millions peddling the “ultimate” weight-loss solution. As far as I can tell, his solution involves eating less and exercising more. Ummmm……..DUH! I’m certainly not the first to point out this glaring hypocrisy, but I’m tired of hearing Dr. Phil’s explanation that he’s not fat, just a “big jock”. If he’s a big jock, I’m Mr. Universe. I think it wise that I stop now, and not talk about the “Ultimate Weight Loss Solution for Teens” by Dr. Phil, Jr., who is a) fat, and b) NOT a teen.

I hate bullies in general, and Dr. Phil is a bully. As Jet Screamer (an astute observer of people’s characters) has pointed out, his wife’s body language seems to indicate that she’s terrified of him.

Finally, and most damaging, he’s making millions by berating people for what’s wrong with their lives, which is blatantly unhelpful. As anyone, like myself, who has spent any time on the crazy doctor’s sofa can tell you, identifying the problem does not equate solving the problem, and in many cases does not even contribute to solving it. Allowing people to believe that their lives will get better if someone would just tell them what’s wrong with it is a dangerous, dangerous game. I think it telling that, by his own admission, Dr. Phil is not a practicing psychologist because he didn’t have the patience to deal with people on a long-term basis. Neat.

Now, who to elect President? It’s quite a pickle, isn’t it? I'll be honest up front, I hate to talk about politics, and am only doing so because a trusted ally said it was the best way to get noticed by Wonkette, but that being said I DO have a few opinions to share.


Being that I’m poor, gay, and artistic, it would seem clear that I’m a Democrat, and indeed that’s what it says on my voter registration card. But frankly, I haven’t been too impressed with Senator Kerry of late. I hate to bandy the phrase “flip-flopper” about, but good Lord, what could this man be thinking? “Ah, let’s see, I’m behind in the polls, I think I’ll go out today and contradict myself, maybe shoot a rifle that I’m in favor of banning, and then resurrect questions about a war that nobody under forty cares about.”

Okay, maybe SOMEBODY cares about it, but they’re not here today. Honestly, I don’t care if Kerry crafted his own medals by melting down the cooking pot of an old Vietnamese woman (after shooting her in the back, of course). I don’t care if Dubya was snorting coke in the White House bowling alley last night while Jenna and Barbara wrestled in pudding. What I DO care about is that over a thousand young American soldiers and uncounted Iraqi civilians have been killed for no reason, Iraq is a fetid breeding ground of hatred for America (not that it matters, since the whole world hates America already) and no one has the foggiest idea what to do about it.

I will admit, I have never been a fan of G.W. I even sang in a protest concert, right here in sWDC, when he was inaugurated. He is incurious, he does not (by his own admission) read a newspaper or watch the news, and that bothers me. I look in his eyes, and I see not one hint of intelligence. I spoke recently with an acquaintance of mine, I’ll call him “Mike”. Okay, you caught me, that’s his real name. Mike owned a successful catering business and catered affairs at the White House from the tail end of the Reagan administration through Clinton. Mike is now out of a job, because Bush goes to bed at 9:30, and when he DOES host a foreign dignitary, shuttles them off to Crawford for a barbecue. That bothers me, too. As the self-proclaimed leader of the free world, he should be able to host a dinner party, don’t you think?

Kerry, I just don’t know about. I was a Dean man, m’self, but had no illusions that he could actually be elected. I don’t think Kerry thought he would be the nominee, and in fact it looked for a long while like he wouldn’t be. But now he is, and it seems like he’s living out that dream people have, when you go in to take your final exam and realize you haven’t studied all semester.

The difference between the two is clear: Bush is Kirk, Kerry is Picard. Bush is intent on proving that his ship is the baddest ship in the whole galaxy. Kerry is intent on having his ship be the most respected, while conforming to the letter of Federation protocol. Bush has his Mr. Spock, Dick Cheney, who is sour and emotionless (but, unfortunately, devoid of logic). Kerry has his brash young Riker, John Edwards, who is prettier than him and has better hair.

Poor Colin Powell is Dr. McCoy, the one with the most sense that nobody pays any attention to. Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz are a composite Scotty, making sure the ship runs when it pleases them. And, loathe as I am to be so obvious as to equate Condi with Uhura…what does she DO, really, but repeat the captain’s orders over the intercom? (Incidentally, I wonder if even she believes a word she says. Watch her. Every time she’s explaining away some asinine decision of the administration, her head shakes back and forth as if saying “don’t believe me” )

Kerry has yet to assemble his crew, but chances are, like Picard’s, they will be more diverse and less interesting.

And waiting in the wings with bated breath is Captain Hillary Rodham Janeway.


So who to vote for?

Mmmm….can we write in Scott Bakula?