First things first, I did NOT get a chance to see “Sky Captain” yet, so all of you who are breathlessly awaiting my review before deciding whether or not to see it, well, you’ll just have to wait. Bide your time by going to Barnes and Noble and drooling over the picture of Jude Law on the front cover.
Second things second, Big Sister Bamm-Bamm has her own blog. Go there now! Not only does she have an eyewitness report from the heart of hurricane country, but she’s just started nursing school and promises lots of delicious gossip about boneheaded medical mishaps!
Now, as promised, I will tell you of my trip to see Trainwreck!
Disclaimer Number One: I am, perhaps, not the best person to write a review of a rock band. Ages 8 through 13 were spent checking out the same 3 LPs, over and over, from the Grandview Heights Public Library (The Mickey Mouse Club Soundtrack, The NEW Mickey Mouse Club Soundtrack, and the Meco disco-mix of The Wizard of Oz Soundtrack) which I would play and play while I locked lLitte Sister Bamm-Bamm in her room and made up my own choreography.
Ages 13 through 16 were spent playing “The Magic of Abba” from K-Tel, which I begged my mother to get me for Christmas.
Age 16 was the first record I bought with my own money, the Go-Gos’ “Beauty and the Beat”.
Age 22 was the first and only non-classical concert I’ve ever attended, Debbie Gibson’s “Electric Youth” tour. Yes, I said age 22. Shut up.
Disclaimer Number Two: The show was in Baltimore. Baltimore is a stinking cesspool of filth and despair. I can think of no reason why anyone would want to live or go there. It’s ugly, and frightening even in the full sun. It was a tremendous act of will and perseverance to be able to resist my fight or flight instinct for an entire evening.
Now, the whole thing came about because Little Sister Bamm-Bamm, well, she’s real tight with the T-wrecks. Even sings with them sometimes. So one day we were emailing back and forth, which we are prone to do at work instead of WORKING, and discussing important matters of pop culture, including dreamy lead singer of Trainwreck JR Reed, and things of that nature. Before I could stop myself, I had emailed not only JR Reed to tell him he was as dreamy as Lee Majors, but also T-wreck’s driving creative force, Kyle Gass, to tell him how I wrote to William Shatner when I was 12 to ask him why he shaved his chest on Star Trek (which I did because Little Sister BB promised to buy I prize if I did so, which I have STILL NOT RECEIVED).
So, off I went, posse in tow (Jet Screamer and our friend Floozie Flingland). The show was at “Fletcher’s” which is, like most structures in Baltimore, a DUMP. Floozie, a long-time Maryland resident, assures me that, aside from the stadium, it is probably the nicest place in town to have a concert. Swell. I WAS heartened to find, amid the sea of black negligees worn with combat boots, girls dolled up like rejects from the cast of “Sailor Moon”, and the occasional out-of-place looking sorority girl, that I was NOT the oldest person there.
We arrived just in time to hear the end of “The Mudsharks”, who proved tiresome in only one-and-a-half songs. The only bit of interest in their act was the screen behind them, on which was projected my favorite DVD of all time, Educational Archives Vol. I: Sex & Drugs.
So then we thought, “Terrific! We’ve arrived just in time for Trainwreck, and we can get home at an early hour, since it’s a school night and all!” No such luck. The Mudsharks weren’t even the REAL warm-up band, they were, like, some sort of pathetic PRE-warm-up band. The REAL warm-up band was Dingleberry Dynasty. Here’s what Jet Screamer had to say about THAT:
“About Dingleberry Dynasty, if there’s a bodily function or something you do with your hand involving sex, you can be sure they’ll sing a song about it, and they did. Words cannot express how much I hated them. Bamm mentioned that I like Southpark, so I should like them, right? No, Southpark is clever, very clever. These boys on stage are idiots, oh, and they can’t write songs.”
Well. I didn’t think it was all THAT bad, they did have SOME catchy tunes, but they were trying AWFULLY hard for laughs, with all the subtlety of a Police Academy film. “Funny” bits included pretend crap eaten out of a diaper, a dog costume complete with erect phallus, a giant phallus costume, a man in drag, and three men in jockstraps humping each other (one of whom had accidentally smacked himself on a door frame and was bleeding profusely from the head). I suppose if someone were in the MOOD for such a thing, or if one thought “Jackass” was a REALLY, REALLY cool show, they would be quite funny.
And now, Jet Screamer’s assessment of Trainwreck:
“Trainwreck is very good.”
Yes, it’s true. They are very good. I was fully prepared not to like them, as I’m old and crotchety and set in my ways, but there you have it, I liked them. If Dingleberry Dynasty is a “Porky’s” movie, T-wreck is a Christopher Guest film. Their self-described “Country-Fried Rock” is peppered with enough musical jokes and pop-culture references to please even me. They’re even good musicians, to boot.
Trainwreck is the co-creation of Kyle “Klip Kalhoun” Gass and JR “Darryl Lee Donald” Reed, of Tenacious D fame. They met as members of Tim Robbins’ Actors' Gang Theater Group. Besides Tenacious D: The Complete Master Works (now available on DVD) and the forthcoming Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny, you can see Mr. Gass in the most unexpected places, like playing “Officer Drake” in Evolution, or “Tony” in Jacob’s Ladder. I had been warned ahead of time that Kyle was suffering laryngitis, but the collective covering for his not speaking or singing by the rest of the group was so seamless, I would have otherwise assumed his silence was part of the act.
JR Reed is best described by his recent write-up in Tiger Beat:
Height: Six feet, three inches of dreamy delight!
Weight: 205 pounds of sinewy muscle!
Best known for: Being Lee of the D!
Cool guest star role: playing a “Vamp Guard” on Buffy!
Turn-ons: Old-school pro wrestling, walks on the beach
Turn-offs: John Tesh, people who bring him down
Best-kept secret: Playing the title role in “Peer Gynt” (THAT’S a PLAY!)
If he’s your prom date: Not to worry, gals, if Prince and Justin Timberlake had a baby, it would dance like JR!
The band is rounded out by cute little John “Boy Johnny” Spiker, Chris “Lance Branson” Darienzo, John “Shreddy” Konesky, and Nate Rothaker, all of whom display ample talent despite the humorous bent, most notably Konesky on his frequent guitar solos, and Darienzo on keyboards and the occasional vocal solo.
My only fear for the band is that the subtleties of their humor are lost on the predominantly idiot-teen audience I was with last night. Jet was, in fact, left wondering why they didn’t just be a real band, since they’re all good enough. Well, being a creative type myself who often needs to stretch genres a little bit to feel completely satisfied, I approve wholeheartedly. I suggest you go to their website right away and find out when they’ll be in your town, and then go see them.
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3 comments:
But we have heard nothing of what songs they actually played. They are an 80's cover band, no? Certainly you can favor us with a small recounting of selections?
Well, the only covers were are the end of the set and the encores....the two I recall were: "we're an American Band" and "Footloose"
you would have liked dingle berry's set from 8 years ago it was almost the same as trainwreck and quite frankly why train wreck bored me to tears. they did something that had already been done. But that's usually what happens in america the average rise to the top to become "aclaimed" while geniuses go about "misunderstood"
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