What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I know I've been gone awhile, but I've been busy trolling the internet to read other people's blogs, to see if if I could sort of hone my style, since I get no comments anymore and I suppose it must be my fault. And what I find is that most people are so desperately unhappy! Wives whose husbands ridicule them day at night and shout obscenities at them, and men in their fifties who are married with children and just now figuring out that they're gay, and people who have emotional meltdowns at work, like, three times a week, and the like.

Turmoil I can't even imagine, which means I'm either extremely stable, or in extreme denial.

But really, if Jet and I have a disagreement, we just work it out, and that's that. One of us will compromise, and then get our way the next time. Or, more likely, we will each give up SOMETHING for the sake of a peaceful resolution. Done. Neither one of us has any concept of dragging an argument out to ensure that we get our own way.

That just seems like common sense to me, why wouldn't EVERYONE do it?

And when something is wrong at work, which of course it sometimes is, I can't imagine having a meltdown about it, or hurling obscenities, or anything. I mean, either find a way to solve the problem or suck it up, it's really that simple, isn't it?

Am I missing something?

Adam Sandler is a retarded moron

There, I said it, and I don't care who knows it.

Hollywood Reporter is....well, reporting that Adam Sandler, in his never-ending crusade to latch onto the latest movie-making trends and taint them with his "talent" forever, will soon start filming "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry", wherein he and Kevin James play firefighters who pretend to be a gay couple in order to receive domestic partner benefits.

Look, Sandler, we're happy with the whole "Hollywood loves the gays" thing, when it actually produces something positive and enlightening, but YOUR moron help we DON'T need.

Startling Predictions: the poster is going to have big, block letters in fire engine red, a dalmation is going to be the ringbearer, with the ring on a pillow in its mouth (this will also be on the poster), and Kevin James at some point will do an embarrassing dance lifted straight from the choreography of the fat guys who dance at football games. Eugene Levy will cash a paycheck to play either Sandler's distraught father or a bumbling fire chief who gets involved by futily trying to get them thrown off the job. The dog will bite him in the nuts and/or he will be saved by the titular characters in the least threatening onscreen fire ever. Many firehose jokes are sure to be included and some ex-Maxim model "actress" will play the girl whose very existence threatens to out ('unout'?) them.

It will gross a billion dollars domestically and set gay rights back to pre-Stonewall levels, and spawn a sequel starring Queen Latifah.

Mark my words.

Some good advice from the business world

Okay, if your wife calls all hysterical because the baby’s umbilical nub has fallen off and been eaten by the dog, it’s probably a good idea to take your phone off SPEAKER so the whole office can’t hear it.

Yes, it really happened.

The Inevitable Consequence of a LIfe Devoted to Pop Culture

So last night I dreamt that I was a cast member on Saturday Night Live, and Heath Ledger was the guest host. And after the show, or perhaps before, Heath was kind enough to indulge me in a photo shoot of the two of us, wearing cowboy clothes and cuddling together on a billowy satin sheet. Nothing sexual, you understand (he's not my type) just lots of cutesy, "look-at-us-aren't-we-clever-and-entertaining" sorts of shots, the kind that might be taken as publicity for a TV show.

Oh, and the photo shoot was taking place in my old elementary school. Weird, huh?

Hooray for Hollywood

Little Sister Bamm-Bamm and her boytoy Ragu are fresh back from Hollywood, where they attended the premier of the smash new musical "Rock of Ages", starring Tenacious D alum (and special friend of LSBB) Kyle Gass ....and, "smash" might be a bit premature since it got a lukewarm reception from Variety but, oh well.

Despite ignoring my sure-fire advice on how to meet a celebrity (which involves going to The Brown Derby for lunch, spilling food on a celebrity, inviting them back to your hotel, disguising yourself with a fake nose and then lighting said nose on fire) they still managed to spot and mingle with lots and lots of B-and-below level celebs, and even a couple of A's.

We'll start with the two I'd be crowing about if I were them - Kathy Najimy and Jonathan Silverman. Kathy's husband is in the show, and Jonathan - well, I don't know what he was doing there, I suppose it's none of my business, really. LSBB reports that Kathy Najimy is funny and nice, just as I've long suspected.




Kathy's husband Dan Finnerty, as I mentioned, is in the show. I don't know why he's flipping off the camera, it doesn't seem awfully polite to me. Although, I'll allow the possibility that it's an eccentric habit, much like that of my father, who only refrained from flipping off the camera if the photo was taken at church (and even then I'm not sure what he might have been doing behind his back).




Emily Mortimer. I have no idea who she is.



Ditto with CC Deville of Poison and Jack Blades of Night Ranger. Though I have heard of Poison and Night Ranger.



And, from the "THEY still get invited to things?!?" file....Fred Dryer, of TV's "Hunter", and Toni Basil, of "Hey, Mickey, You're So Fine, You're So Fine You Blow My Mind" fame.

Fred Dryer, former football player, has a giant wiener. I've seen photographic proof.

Toni Basil looks like she smashed into Bjørk and the two of them merged into a single, unattractive being.

Remember - breathe!

A message from "celebrity" and acne sufferer, Jessica Simpson:

hello friends,

it's jess! i just wanted to let ya'll know that with everything we go through in life, the good, the bad, the ugly, the sad, the right, the wrong, the think we don't belong, we all have to allow our hearts to remain open to create who we are. find that for yourself no matter what. take the advice from the wisdom of those we love. remember that bad company corrupts good character. and breathe to allow yourself the freedom to just be. getting to know yourself is so important. spend time alone with your thoughts for this creates a world of true serenity. do not be afraid. inner beauty, outward charm. greet everyone we meet with a smile (unless it is paparazzi.haha), a smile is contagious. i love you guys so much and appreciate the support through all the unfortunate pain of loss. what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. carry on. soar. glide. fly. this is a wonderful life.

love,
jess

I hate her with the heat of a thousand suns.