Shamefull self admissions, good for the soul

Mind you, I’m not talking about the sort of self-discovery, like, “I’m a transvestite serial killer” (that is, a serial killer who IS a transvestite, not a serial killer OF transvestites). I’m talking about the sort of harmless thing where, if your friends knew, you might be mightily embarrassed. But, if you’re man enough to accept your own peculiar behavior, everyone can just move on with their lives and nobody gets hurt.

Here are my two shameful self-admissions for the day:

1) I have an odd but irresistible attraction to bubblegum pop re-interpretations of songs from Disney movies. EVEN IF THEY INVOLVE AARON CARTER OR JESSICA SIMPSON.
2) When I wear a pink t-shirt, I look like a giant wad of bubblegum stuck on two moving sticks.

There, now don’t we all feel better?

Speaking of disturbing facts about people, pro-life militant and spokesman for the Fundamentalist terrorist organization “Army of God”, Neal Horsely, admitted to professional milquetoast alan colmes last week, on National radio, that he has had sex with a mule.

Honest.

That’s maybe not so disturbing, depending on your world view (I hate to draw conclusions about my readership). But what IS disturbing is that he apparently thinks having sex with mules is something everyone does.

The transcript follows:

colmes: Is it true?
Horsley: Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I...
colmes: You had sex with animals?
Horsley: Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule.
colmes: I'm not so sure that that is so.
Horsley: You didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?
colmes: Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?
Horsley: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality... Welcome to domestic life on the farm...
...
Horsley: You experiment with anything that moves when you are growing up sexually. You're naive. You know better than that... If it's warm and it's damp and it vibrates you might in fact have sex with it.

Heh, heh, you said it Neal. I…errrr…..um, forget it. I have nothing.


You’ve probably heard about last weekend’s brouhaha in St. Paul, where a Catholic priest denied communion to 100 people because they were wearing rainbow-colored sashes.

Well, I don’t know why they don’t just turn Episcopal.

Anyway, it reminded me of a good homily on a similar subject by the usually-dreadfully-boring father Pat Earl at Holy Trinity in Georgetown. Read it. Do as I say.

An speaking of unjustified hatred and fear of gays, Republican Alabama lawmaker Gerald Allen says homosexuality is an unacceptable lifestyle. His proposed solution is to prevent public school libraries from buying or stocking the shelves with literature or plays written by gay authors, regardless of content.

Let’s see, that would include, oh, EVERY AUTHOR OF NOTE IN THE PAST THREE THOUSAND YEARS.

On the plus side, I may finally have found a market for my pet project, Cliff’s notes for the collected works of Clive Cussler.

That’s all for today. Now go buy a Superman medal.