... which wiry Pittsburgh native passed away yesterday?
And riddle me this while you're at it….who the hell is casting the X-Men movies, Helen Keller?
Jet and I were greeted this morning with the happy news that possibly our favorite show ever will be on DVD this summer. If you like Upstairs, Downstairs and its ilk, you’ll certainly like House of Eliott…but if you’re unwilling to make the financial commitment on a non-entity, go get French and Saunders: At the Movies and watch their hi-larious parody, House of Idiot. You’ll get the idea.
And I would be remiss in my duties if I didn’t mention that I only discovered HoE because it was on PBS after Mother Rubble’s favorite British production, Ballykissangel, also on DVD and worth a look, if you like priests flirting with barmaids and country veterinarians and folksy Irish humour, and that sort of thing.
Since most of you will be saving time and money by NOT watching either of the above, there’s still time to watch the 14 wonderful episodes of Firefly, Before it becomes a major motion picture in September. You can even come to my house if you want, I’ll watch them all again and again. I’ll make popcorn. You’ll love it.
And now you know what I do with the sudden addition of unstructured free time into my schedule, think of TV and boss other people around.
Alert reader Floozy Flingland tells us that Dingleberry Dynasty, whom I first told you about last year, will soon be headlining in their own feature film. Well, good for them. I wonder if they’ll have the guy dress like a dog and hump everybody. I’m betting we all liked the offbeat-mockumentary-like band movie the first time we saw it, when it was called Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
But I digress.
What does everyone think of me and Jet’s new teenage crush? Too bad there’s no American politician ballsy enough for us to get dreamy-eyed over.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Shamefull self admissions, good for the soul
Mind you, I’m not talking about the sort of self-discovery, like, “I’m a transvestite serial killer” (that is, a serial killer who IS a transvestite, not a serial killer OF transvestites). I’m talking about the sort of harmless thing where, if your friends knew, you might be mightily embarrassed. But, if you’re man enough to accept your own peculiar behavior, everyone can just move on with their lives and nobody gets hurt.
Here are my two shameful self-admissions for the day:
1) I have an odd but irresistible attraction to bubblegum pop re-interpretations of songs from Disney movies. EVEN IF THEY INVOLVE AARON CARTER OR JESSICA SIMPSON.
2) When I wear a pink t-shirt, I look like a giant wad of bubblegum stuck on two moving sticks.
There, now don’t we all feel better?
Speaking of disturbing facts about people, pro-life militant and spokesman for the Fundamentalist terrorist organization “Army of God”, Neal Horsely, admitted to professional milquetoast alan colmes last week, on National radio, that he has had sex with a mule.
Honest.
That’s maybe not so disturbing, depending on your world view (I hate to draw conclusions about my readership). But what IS disturbing is that he apparently thinks having sex with mules is something everyone does.
The transcript follows:
colmes: Is it true?
Horsley: Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I...
colmes: You had sex with animals?
Horsley: Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule.
colmes: I'm not so sure that that is so.
Horsley: You didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?
colmes: Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?
Horsley: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality... Welcome to domestic life on the farm...
...
Horsley: You experiment with anything that moves when you are growing up sexually. You're naive. You know better than that... If it's warm and it's damp and it vibrates you might in fact have sex with it.
Heh, heh, you said it Neal. I…errrr…..um, forget it. I have nothing.
You’ve probably heard about last weekend’s brouhaha in St. Paul, where a Catholic priest denied communion to 100 people because they were wearing rainbow-colored sashes.
Well, I don’t know why they don’t just turn Episcopal.
Anyway, it reminded me of a good homily on a similar subject by the usually-dreadfully-boring father Pat Earl at Holy Trinity in Georgetown. Read it. Do as I say.
An speaking of unjustified hatred and fear of gays, Republican Alabama lawmaker Gerald Allen says homosexuality is an unacceptable lifestyle. His proposed solution is to prevent public school libraries from buying or stocking the shelves with literature or plays written by gay authors, regardless of content.
Let’s see, that would include, oh, EVERY AUTHOR OF NOTE IN THE PAST THREE THOUSAND YEARS.
On the plus side, I may finally have found a market for my pet project, Cliff’s notes for the collected works of Clive Cussler.
That’s all for today. Now go buy a Superman medal.
Here are my two shameful self-admissions for the day:
1) I have an odd but irresistible attraction to bubblegum pop re-interpretations of songs from Disney movies. EVEN IF THEY INVOLVE AARON CARTER OR JESSICA SIMPSON.
2) When I wear a pink t-shirt, I look like a giant wad of bubblegum stuck on two moving sticks.
There, now don’t we all feel better?
Speaking of disturbing facts about people, pro-life militant and spokesman for the Fundamentalist terrorist organization “Army of God”, Neal Horsely, admitted to professional milquetoast alan colmes last week, on National radio, that he has had sex with a mule.
Honest.
That’s maybe not so disturbing, depending on your world view (I hate to draw conclusions about my readership). But what IS disturbing is that he apparently thinks having sex with mules is something everyone does.
The transcript follows:
colmes: Is it true?
Horsley: Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I...
colmes: You had sex with animals?
Horsley: Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule.
colmes: I'm not so sure that that is so.
Horsley: You didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?
colmes: Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?
Horsley: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality... Welcome to domestic life on the farm...
...
Horsley: You experiment with anything that moves when you are growing up sexually. You're naive. You know better than that... If it's warm and it's damp and it vibrates you might in fact have sex with it.
Heh, heh, you said it Neal. I…errrr…..um, forget it. I have nothing.
You’ve probably heard about last weekend’s brouhaha in St. Paul, where a Catholic priest denied communion to 100 people because they were wearing rainbow-colored sashes.
Well, I don’t know why they don’t just turn Episcopal.
Anyway, it reminded me of a good homily on a similar subject by the usually-dreadfully-boring father Pat Earl at Holy Trinity in Georgetown. Read it. Do as I say.
An speaking of unjustified hatred and fear of gays, Republican Alabama lawmaker Gerald Allen says homosexuality is an unacceptable lifestyle. His proposed solution is to prevent public school libraries from buying or stocking the shelves with literature or plays written by gay authors, regardless of content.
Let’s see, that would include, oh, EVERY AUTHOR OF NOTE IN THE PAST THREE THOUSAND YEARS.
On the plus side, I may finally have found a market for my pet project, Cliff’s notes for the collected works of Clive Cussler.
That’s all for today. Now go buy a Superman medal.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Road rage...or at least discomfort!
So yesterday, I was driving home to make Jet’s supper, and the car in front of me, an SUV, had a bumper sticker that said “Marriage = man + woman” (only the “man” and “woman” were pictograms like on restroom doors, just in case anyone missed the point or couldn't read). The vehicle was also adorned with the requisite “God Bless America” bumper sticker, a magnetic “Support Our Troops” yellow ribbon (which, by the way, are MADE IN CHINA and DON’T SUPPORT OUR TROOPS), and a dashboard full of sun-bleached beanie babies. I was struck by the sudden urge to follow the vehicle in question – not to be confrontational or anything (since I’m passive-aggressive), but just out of an intense curiosity to see who was driving, and where they were going, and see if I could glean in their appearance a sense of what sorts of fears and insecurities they must live with on a daily basis to feel compelled to display it so publicly.
Well, I didn’t, because I had a sack full of pork chops, and I’m intensely afraid that I’m going to be poisoned by bad meat someday, so I had to get right home to put them in the fridge.
But it started an idea brewing, and I think I may have found a new mission: to create progressive tracts, of the Jack Chick variety, which I can leave on windshields of offensive cars. Plot ideas welcome.
I never watch the insipid Jay Leno if I can help it, but did anyone catch Bright Eyes’ performance last week? He sang a little ditty (well, maybe sang is a bit generous) called “When The President Talks to God”:
When the president talks to God
Are the conversations brief or long?
Does he ask to rape our women’s' rights
And send poor farm kids off to die?
Does God suggest an oil hike
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute all down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
I wonder which one plays the better cop
We should find some jobs. the ghetto's broke
No, they're lazy, George, I say we don't
Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke
That's what God recommends
When the president talks to God
Do they drink near beer and go play golf
While they pick which countries to invade
Which Muslim souls still can be saved?
I guess god just calls a spade a spade
When the president talks to God
When the president talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he's not?
That that voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the president talks to God?
I doubt it
And speaking of God, here’s a link to the sermon by George Regas I mentioned last week, in defense of ecumenicalism.
And speaking of the National Cathedral, last week the Queen Mother of Swaziland was there!
And speaking of the President, is he retarded? Here’s a transcript of a recent exchange from his Social Security-a-Palooza tour. He was addressing Fidel Vagas, a fellow Republican who had come out to support his hare-brained scheme:
PRESIDENT BUSH: Great job, thanks for coming. The fact that you went to Harvard bothers me more than the fact that you didn't vote for me.
MR. VARGAS: We both went to HBS [Harvard Business School].
PRESIDENT BUSH: That's right. I forgot that part. Good job. Thanks for coming.
Is he…I mean….uh, forget it. I have nothing.
When I get done reading Christian comic book tracts, and am still bored, I turn to my other favorite pastime, reading internet comic book message boards.
Where one STILL can’t escape religious arguments.
To wit: a recent posting on the DC Comics website, where “sensorsnake” has a TERRIFIC idea for a new super-hero:
I propose DC adds a new superhero to the JLA. His name is Shepard and he fights injustice and evil in a Christian way. While the JLA fights to protect earth from alien threats, Shepard's focus would be to protect innocents such as unborn children. What does everyone think?
Rest assured, “everyone” didn’t think much of sensorsnake’s brainstorm. I guess Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, et al, who defend the defenseless, protect the innocent, have a high moral code that prevents them from killing even the vilest of bad guys, and generally, well, ACT LIKE CHRISTIANS, aren't enough, now we need a super-hero who specializes in bombing abortion clinics?
Heh. If Superman showed up tomorrow, in the real world, James Dobson (who is of the devil ) and his ilk would denounce him as the Antichrist by sundown.
Also good for laughs is the personal web domain of John Byrne. Byrne, a powerhouse comic book artist who began his career in the early 70’s, and became a superstar of sorts for his work on The X-Men in the late 70’s/ early 80’s, is at least 50% responsible for the X-Men being such a viable movie franchise.
Lately, like the last 15 years or so, he’s become a trifle unhinged, attacking other creators, attacking his own fans, and generally being a giant dick.
Here’s a recent exchange, which began because Byrne was enraged by people who use the term “word bubble” (which is apparently incorrect) instead of “word balloon” (which is, apparently, correct).
So, a message board visitor said:
Then this all brings up the question of language. Do words have inherent meanings or just those we ascribe to them? If enough pros, in addition to the fans, say "speech bubble" then why wouldn't "bubble" be just as valid as "balloon"? JB says "balloon", someone else says "bubble", and they could both be right.
To which, Byrne responds:
There are lots of people who call Black people "niggers". Are both terms "right"? You seem to have missed the rather important point that my response indicated roughly the same percentage of fans and pros use the improper terms for various elements of what we do -- but that percentage does not approach a balance. It is not that roughly half say "balloon" and half say "bubble". It is that some say "bubble" and they are wrong.
Another user states:
Um, we don't avoid using the word "nigger" because it's incorrect usage. We avoid using it because it's incredibly racist and hateful. Is there an ethnic group that's impugned when someone says "thought bubbles" instead of "thought balloons"?
Byrne again:
"Um..." in point of fact there are plenty of people who use the word "nigger" because that is the word they use, not because they imagine it has any negative racial connotations. That's precisely why I chose that word as my illustration.
Another response from the crowd:
Enough already with the casual tossing around of racist epithets!John, you cannot possibly be that ignorant to believe that people who use racial slurs do so without any negative intent or connotation. If you do indeed believe that, I strongly encourage you to seek some counsel and educate yourself on the matter, if you don't want to take my word for it. I've only been black and lived in this country for, oh, my entire life, so I may not be aware of how things really are out there...We spend an awful lot of time on this board dealing with the issue of respect, as it pertains to comic book characters, comic book terminology, reverence for creator's original visions, nicknames for comic book characters, etc. People tread lightly on eggshells out of fear of upsetting you and your many rules for how seriously this wonderful hobby of our should be taken, both by us within it and by those civilians outside of it. How about we extend that same measure of respect to the people who participate in this board?We're supposed to take your word for how things should be in the industry, how characters are supposed to be treated, etc because of your years of experience. How about you extend me the same courtesy on this issue?This isn't about political correctness, or "looking for something to be offended by." It is simply a matter of consideration and manners...There were an infinite number of comparatives you could have chosen to illustrate your point about correct comic book terminology. The fact that you chose the one you did...why?I think we get your point. They are balloons, not bubbles. Fine. Your comparative example sucked. Just as you ask us not to use terms that bother, offend or piss you off, I'm asking you publicly to not use racially insensitive terms and epithets on the board as well. Or is that something you would have a problem with?
Once again, Byrne replies:
Ignorance is the key, but not on my part. There are many places in this country where people to this day use "nigger" when referring to Black people because that's the word they use. They don't think of it as a racial slur. They don't think about it at all, in fact. It simply is.This is not even considering Black people who themselves use the word. We cannot, surely, imagine that it is used in that context as a racial slur?"Nigger" is -- like so many others -- a word with a complex etymology and an even more complex pattern of use.
Other highlights of Byrne’s rantings include his proclamation that Hispanic women with blond hair look like hookers. Not to be missed!
And finally, I leave you with this. Ta ta!
Well, I didn’t, because I had a sack full of pork chops, and I’m intensely afraid that I’m going to be poisoned by bad meat someday, so I had to get right home to put them in the fridge.
But it started an idea brewing, and I think I may have found a new mission: to create progressive tracts, of the Jack Chick variety, which I can leave on windshields of offensive cars. Plot ideas welcome.
I never watch the insipid Jay Leno if I can help it, but did anyone catch Bright Eyes’ performance last week? He sang a little ditty (well, maybe sang is a bit generous) called “When The President Talks to God”:
When the president talks to God
Are the conversations brief or long?
Does he ask to rape our women’s' rights
And send poor farm kids off to die?
Does God suggest an oil hike
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute all down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
I wonder which one plays the better cop
We should find some jobs. the ghetto's broke
No, they're lazy, George, I say we don't
Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke
That's what God recommends
When the president talks to God
Do they drink near beer and go play golf
While they pick which countries to invade
Which Muslim souls still can be saved?
I guess god just calls a spade a spade
When the president talks to God
When the president talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he's not?
That that voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the president talks to God?
I doubt it
And speaking of God, here’s a link to the sermon by George Regas I mentioned last week, in defense of ecumenicalism.
And speaking of the National Cathedral, last week the Queen Mother of Swaziland was there!
And speaking of the President, is he retarded? Here’s a transcript of a recent exchange from his Social Security-a-Palooza tour. He was addressing Fidel Vagas, a fellow Republican who had come out to support his hare-brained scheme:
PRESIDENT BUSH: Great job, thanks for coming. The fact that you went to Harvard bothers me more than the fact that you didn't vote for me.
MR. VARGAS: We both went to HBS [Harvard Business School].
PRESIDENT BUSH: That's right. I forgot that part. Good job. Thanks for coming.
Is he…I mean….uh, forget it. I have nothing.
When I get done reading Christian comic book tracts, and am still bored, I turn to my other favorite pastime, reading internet comic book message boards.
Where one STILL can’t escape religious arguments.
To wit: a recent posting on the DC Comics website, where “sensorsnake” has a TERRIFIC idea for a new super-hero:
I propose DC adds a new superhero to the JLA. His name is Shepard and he fights injustice and evil in a Christian way. While the JLA fights to protect earth from alien threats, Shepard's focus would be to protect innocents such as unborn children. What does everyone think?
Rest assured, “everyone” didn’t think much of sensorsnake’s brainstorm. I guess Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, et al, who defend the defenseless, protect the innocent, have a high moral code that prevents them from killing even the vilest of bad guys, and generally, well, ACT LIKE CHRISTIANS, aren't enough, now we need a super-hero who specializes in bombing abortion clinics?
Heh. If Superman showed up tomorrow, in the real world, James Dobson (who is of the devil ) and his ilk would denounce him as the Antichrist by sundown.
Also good for laughs is the personal web domain of John Byrne. Byrne, a powerhouse comic book artist who began his career in the early 70’s, and became a superstar of sorts for his work on The X-Men in the late 70’s/ early 80’s, is at least 50% responsible for the X-Men being such a viable movie franchise.
Lately, like the last 15 years or so, he’s become a trifle unhinged, attacking other creators, attacking his own fans, and generally being a giant dick.
Here’s a recent exchange, which began because Byrne was enraged by people who use the term “word bubble” (which is apparently incorrect) instead of “word balloon” (which is, apparently, correct).
So, a message board visitor said:
Then this all brings up the question of language. Do words have inherent meanings or just those we ascribe to them? If enough pros, in addition to the fans, say "speech bubble" then why wouldn't "bubble" be just as valid as "balloon"? JB says "balloon", someone else says "bubble", and they could both be right.
To which, Byrne responds:
There are lots of people who call Black people "niggers". Are both terms "right"? You seem to have missed the rather important point that my response indicated roughly the same percentage of fans and pros use the improper terms for various elements of what we do -- but that percentage does not approach a balance. It is not that roughly half say "balloon" and half say "bubble". It is that some say "bubble" and they are wrong.
Another user states:
Um, we don't avoid using the word "nigger" because it's incorrect usage. We avoid using it because it's incredibly racist and hateful. Is there an ethnic group that's impugned when someone says "thought bubbles" instead of "thought balloons"?
Byrne again:
"Um..." in point of fact there are plenty of people who use the word "nigger" because that is the word they use, not because they imagine it has any negative racial connotations. That's precisely why I chose that word as my illustration.
Another response from the crowd:
Enough already with the casual tossing around of racist epithets!John, you cannot possibly be that ignorant to believe that people who use racial slurs do so without any negative intent or connotation. If you do indeed believe that, I strongly encourage you to seek some counsel and educate yourself on the matter, if you don't want to take my word for it. I've only been black and lived in this country for, oh, my entire life, so I may not be aware of how things really are out there...We spend an awful lot of time on this board dealing with the issue of respect, as it pertains to comic book characters, comic book terminology, reverence for creator's original visions, nicknames for comic book characters, etc. People tread lightly on eggshells out of fear of upsetting you and your many rules for how seriously this wonderful hobby of our should be taken, both by us within it and by those civilians outside of it. How about we extend that same measure of respect to the people who participate in this board?We're supposed to take your word for how things should be in the industry, how characters are supposed to be treated, etc because of your years of experience. How about you extend me the same courtesy on this issue?This isn't about political correctness, or "looking for something to be offended by." It is simply a matter of consideration and manners...There were an infinite number of comparatives you could have chosen to illustrate your point about correct comic book terminology. The fact that you chose the one you did...why?I think we get your point. They are balloons, not bubbles. Fine. Your comparative example sucked. Just as you ask us not to use terms that bother, offend or piss you off, I'm asking you publicly to not use racially insensitive terms and epithets on the board as well. Or is that something you would have a problem with?
Once again, Byrne replies:
Ignorance is the key, but not on my part. There are many places in this country where people to this day use "nigger" when referring to Black people because that's the word they use. They don't think of it as a racial slur. They don't think about it at all, in fact. It simply is.This is not even considering Black people who themselves use the word. We cannot, surely, imagine that it is used in that context as a racial slur?"Nigger" is -- like so many others -- a word with a complex etymology and an even more complex pattern of use.
Other highlights of Byrne’s rantings include his proclamation that Hispanic women with blond hair look like hookers. Not to be missed!
And finally, I leave you with this. Ta ta!
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