Friday, October 21, 2005

Steve Klein is my new best friend

From the Raleigh-Durham News & Observer:

Homosexuality is very complex behavior; it appears in every generation, in every culture and in many species besides our own. It can't be a product of evolution because homosexuals don't reproduce. Homosexuality must be a product of Intelligent Design.

Steve Klein
Raleigh

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Grill of my dreams, part 2

For those keeping breathless track of these sorts of things, LSBB has successfully completed "Phase 1" of her oral reconstruction, which apparently involves filing her teeth down into pointy nubs so that a wax representation of her eventual new teeth can be fitted over. Something like this:



More horror stories from the dentist's chair to come!

Phil 'er up

My prayers have been answered at last: idiotic hayseed blowhard Dr. Phil is finally going to get his comeuppance. Seems his “ultimate weight-loss solution”, which involves not only diet and exercise, but $120/month worth of pills, DOESN’T WORK.

Which should have been patently obvious to everyone, since he and his moon-faced not-a-teen son are STILL FAT.

Well, at least he has berating the psychologically weak, offering them no solutions, and terrorizing his wife to fall back on.

Oh, and speaking of terrorizing, I suppose I’m behind the times in announcing that mumbly-mouthed actor Nicholas Cage has successfully ruined his infant son’s life by naming him Kal-El, which is as many of you will know, Superman’s Kryptonian name.

Incidentally, Mr. Cage Senior speaks fluent Klingon, but failed high school French.

Okay, I made that last part up. The only benefit I see for Mr. Cage Junior is that Apple Paltrow will have someone to hang out with on the playground.

As I write (October 5, 2005, 9:55 am) a mysterious package has been found at the White House. What’s the mystery? I could have told them – it’s a rolled up sock.