... which wiry Pittsburgh native passed away yesterday?
And riddle me this while you're at it….who the hell is casting the X-Men movies, Helen Keller?
Jet and I were greeted this morning with the happy news that possibly our favorite show ever will be on DVD this summer. If you like Upstairs, Downstairs and its ilk, you’ll certainly like House of Eliott…but if you’re unwilling to make the financial commitment on a non-entity, go get French and Saunders: At the Movies and watch their hi-larious parody, House of Idiot. You’ll get the idea.
And I would be remiss in my duties if I didn’t mention that I only discovered HoE because it was on PBS after Mother Rubble’s favorite British production, Ballykissangel, also on DVD and worth a look, if you like priests flirting with barmaids and country veterinarians and folksy Irish humour, and that sort of thing.
Since most of you will be saving time and money by NOT watching either of the above, there’s still time to watch the 14 wonderful episodes of Firefly, Before it becomes a major motion picture in September. You can even come to my house if you want, I’ll watch them all again and again. I’ll make popcorn. You’ll love it.
And now you know what I do with the sudden addition of unstructured free time into my schedule, think of TV and boss other people around.
Alert reader Floozy Flingland tells us that Dingleberry Dynasty, whom I first told you about last year, will soon be headlining in their own feature film. Well, good for them. I wonder if they’ll have the guy dress like a dog and hump everybody. I’m betting we all liked the offbeat-mockumentary-like band movie the first time we saw it, when it was called Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
But I digress.
What does everyone think of me and Jet’s new teenage crush? Too bad there’s no American politician ballsy enough for us to get dreamy-eyed over.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Shamefull self admissions, good for the soul
Mind you, I’m not talking about the sort of self-discovery, like, “I’m a transvestite serial killer” (that is, a serial killer who IS a transvestite, not a serial killer OF transvestites). I’m talking about the sort of harmless thing where, if your friends knew, you might be mightily embarrassed. But, if you’re man enough to accept your own peculiar behavior, everyone can just move on with their lives and nobody gets hurt.
Here are my two shameful self-admissions for the day:
1) I have an odd but irresistible attraction to bubblegum pop re-interpretations of songs from Disney movies. EVEN IF THEY INVOLVE AARON CARTER OR JESSICA SIMPSON.
2) When I wear a pink t-shirt, I look like a giant wad of bubblegum stuck on two moving sticks.
There, now don’t we all feel better?
Speaking of disturbing facts about people, pro-life militant and spokesman for the Fundamentalist terrorist organization “Army of God”, Neal Horsely, admitted to professional milquetoast alan colmes last week, on National radio, that he has had sex with a mule.
Honest.
That’s maybe not so disturbing, depending on your world view (I hate to draw conclusions about my readership). But what IS disturbing is that he apparently thinks having sex with mules is something everyone does.
The transcript follows:
colmes: Is it true?
Horsley: Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I...
colmes: You had sex with animals?
Horsley: Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule.
colmes: I'm not so sure that that is so.
Horsley: You didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?
colmes: Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?
Horsley: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality... Welcome to domestic life on the farm...
...
Horsley: You experiment with anything that moves when you are growing up sexually. You're naive. You know better than that... If it's warm and it's damp and it vibrates you might in fact have sex with it.
Heh, heh, you said it Neal. I…errrr…..um, forget it. I have nothing.
You’ve probably heard about last weekend’s brouhaha in St. Paul, where a Catholic priest denied communion to 100 people because they were wearing rainbow-colored sashes.
Well, I don’t know why they don’t just turn Episcopal.
Anyway, it reminded me of a good homily on a similar subject by the usually-dreadfully-boring father Pat Earl at Holy Trinity in Georgetown. Read it. Do as I say.
An speaking of unjustified hatred and fear of gays, Republican Alabama lawmaker Gerald Allen says homosexuality is an unacceptable lifestyle. His proposed solution is to prevent public school libraries from buying or stocking the shelves with literature or plays written by gay authors, regardless of content.
Let’s see, that would include, oh, EVERY AUTHOR OF NOTE IN THE PAST THREE THOUSAND YEARS.
On the plus side, I may finally have found a market for my pet project, Cliff’s notes for the collected works of Clive Cussler.
That’s all for today. Now go buy a Superman medal.
Here are my two shameful self-admissions for the day:
1) I have an odd but irresistible attraction to bubblegum pop re-interpretations of songs from Disney movies. EVEN IF THEY INVOLVE AARON CARTER OR JESSICA SIMPSON.
2) When I wear a pink t-shirt, I look like a giant wad of bubblegum stuck on two moving sticks.
There, now don’t we all feel better?
Speaking of disturbing facts about people, pro-life militant and spokesman for the Fundamentalist terrorist organization “Army of God”, Neal Horsely, admitted to professional milquetoast alan colmes last week, on National radio, that he has had sex with a mule.
Honest.
That’s maybe not so disturbing, depending on your world view (I hate to draw conclusions about my readership). But what IS disturbing is that he apparently thinks having sex with mules is something everyone does.
The transcript follows:
colmes: Is it true?
Horsley: Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I...
colmes: You had sex with animals?
Horsley: Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule.
colmes: I'm not so sure that that is so.
Horsley: You didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?
colmes: Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?
Horsley: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality... Welcome to domestic life on the farm...
...
Horsley: You experiment with anything that moves when you are growing up sexually. You're naive. You know better than that... If it's warm and it's damp and it vibrates you might in fact have sex with it.
Heh, heh, you said it Neal. I…errrr…..um, forget it. I have nothing.
You’ve probably heard about last weekend’s brouhaha in St. Paul, where a Catholic priest denied communion to 100 people because they were wearing rainbow-colored sashes.
Well, I don’t know why they don’t just turn Episcopal.
Anyway, it reminded me of a good homily on a similar subject by the usually-dreadfully-boring father Pat Earl at Holy Trinity in Georgetown. Read it. Do as I say.
An speaking of unjustified hatred and fear of gays, Republican Alabama lawmaker Gerald Allen says homosexuality is an unacceptable lifestyle. His proposed solution is to prevent public school libraries from buying or stocking the shelves with literature or plays written by gay authors, regardless of content.
Let’s see, that would include, oh, EVERY AUTHOR OF NOTE IN THE PAST THREE THOUSAND YEARS.
On the plus side, I may finally have found a market for my pet project, Cliff’s notes for the collected works of Clive Cussler.
That’s all for today. Now go buy a Superman medal.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Road rage...or at least discomfort!
So yesterday, I was driving home to make Jet’s supper, and the car in front of me, an SUV, had a bumper sticker that said “Marriage = man + woman” (only the “man” and “woman” were pictograms like on restroom doors, just in case anyone missed the point or couldn't read). The vehicle was also adorned with the requisite “God Bless America” bumper sticker, a magnetic “Support Our Troops” yellow ribbon (which, by the way, are MADE IN CHINA and DON’T SUPPORT OUR TROOPS), and a dashboard full of sun-bleached beanie babies. I was struck by the sudden urge to follow the vehicle in question – not to be confrontational or anything (since I’m passive-aggressive), but just out of an intense curiosity to see who was driving, and where they were going, and see if I could glean in their appearance a sense of what sorts of fears and insecurities they must live with on a daily basis to feel compelled to display it so publicly.
Well, I didn’t, because I had a sack full of pork chops, and I’m intensely afraid that I’m going to be poisoned by bad meat someday, so I had to get right home to put them in the fridge.
But it started an idea brewing, and I think I may have found a new mission: to create progressive tracts, of the Jack Chick variety, which I can leave on windshields of offensive cars. Plot ideas welcome.
I never watch the insipid Jay Leno if I can help it, but did anyone catch Bright Eyes’ performance last week? He sang a little ditty (well, maybe sang is a bit generous) called “When The President Talks to God”:
When the president talks to God
Are the conversations brief or long?
Does he ask to rape our women’s' rights
And send poor farm kids off to die?
Does God suggest an oil hike
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute all down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
I wonder which one plays the better cop
We should find some jobs. the ghetto's broke
No, they're lazy, George, I say we don't
Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke
That's what God recommends
When the president talks to God
Do they drink near beer and go play golf
While they pick which countries to invade
Which Muslim souls still can be saved?
I guess god just calls a spade a spade
When the president talks to God
When the president talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he's not?
That that voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the president talks to God?
I doubt it
And speaking of God, here’s a link to the sermon by George Regas I mentioned last week, in defense of ecumenicalism.
And speaking of the National Cathedral, last week the Queen Mother of Swaziland was there!
And speaking of the President, is he retarded? Here’s a transcript of a recent exchange from his Social Security-a-Palooza tour. He was addressing Fidel Vagas, a fellow Republican who had come out to support his hare-brained scheme:
PRESIDENT BUSH: Great job, thanks for coming. The fact that you went to Harvard bothers me more than the fact that you didn't vote for me.
MR. VARGAS: We both went to HBS [Harvard Business School].
PRESIDENT BUSH: That's right. I forgot that part. Good job. Thanks for coming.
Is he…I mean….uh, forget it. I have nothing.
When I get done reading Christian comic book tracts, and am still bored, I turn to my other favorite pastime, reading internet comic book message boards.
Where one STILL can’t escape religious arguments.
To wit: a recent posting on the DC Comics website, where “sensorsnake” has a TERRIFIC idea for a new super-hero:
I propose DC adds a new superhero to the JLA. His name is Shepard and he fights injustice and evil in a Christian way. While the JLA fights to protect earth from alien threats, Shepard's focus would be to protect innocents such as unborn children. What does everyone think?
Rest assured, “everyone” didn’t think much of sensorsnake’s brainstorm. I guess Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, et al, who defend the defenseless, protect the innocent, have a high moral code that prevents them from killing even the vilest of bad guys, and generally, well, ACT LIKE CHRISTIANS, aren't enough, now we need a super-hero who specializes in bombing abortion clinics?
Heh. If Superman showed up tomorrow, in the real world, James Dobson (who is of the devil ) and his ilk would denounce him as the Antichrist by sundown.
Also good for laughs is the personal web domain of John Byrne. Byrne, a powerhouse comic book artist who began his career in the early 70’s, and became a superstar of sorts for his work on The X-Men in the late 70’s/ early 80’s, is at least 50% responsible for the X-Men being such a viable movie franchise.
Lately, like the last 15 years or so, he’s become a trifle unhinged, attacking other creators, attacking his own fans, and generally being a giant dick.
Here’s a recent exchange, which began because Byrne was enraged by people who use the term “word bubble” (which is apparently incorrect) instead of “word balloon” (which is, apparently, correct).
So, a message board visitor said:
Then this all brings up the question of language. Do words have inherent meanings or just those we ascribe to them? If enough pros, in addition to the fans, say "speech bubble" then why wouldn't "bubble" be just as valid as "balloon"? JB says "balloon", someone else says "bubble", and they could both be right.
To which, Byrne responds:
There are lots of people who call Black people "niggers". Are both terms "right"? You seem to have missed the rather important point that my response indicated roughly the same percentage of fans and pros use the improper terms for various elements of what we do -- but that percentage does not approach a balance. It is not that roughly half say "balloon" and half say "bubble". It is that some say "bubble" and they are wrong.
Another user states:
Um, we don't avoid using the word "nigger" because it's incorrect usage. We avoid using it because it's incredibly racist and hateful. Is there an ethnic group that's impugned when someone says "thought bubbles" instead of "thought balloons"?
Byrne again:
"Um..." in point of fact there are plenty of people who use the word "nigger" because that is the word they use, not because they imagine it has any negative racial connotations. That's precisely why I chose that word as my illustration.
Another response from the crowd:
Enough already with the casual tossing around of racist epithets!John, you cannot possibly be that ignorant to believe that people who use racial slurs do so without any negative intent or connotation. If you do indeed believe that, I strongly encourage you to seek some counsel and educate yourself on the matter, if you don't want to take my word for it. I've only been black and lived in this country for, oh, my entire life, so I may not be aware of how things really are out there...We spend an awful lot of time on this board dealing with the issue of respect, as it pertains to comic book characters, comic book terminology, reverence for creator's original visions, nicknames for comic book characters, etc. People tread lightly on eggshells out of fear of upsetting you and your many rules for how seriously this wonderful hobby of our should be taken, both by us within it and by those civilians outside of it. How about we extend that same measure of respect to the people who participate in this board?We're supposed to take your word for how things should be in the industry, how characters are supposed to be treated, etc because of your years of experience. How about you extend me the same courtesy on this issue?This isn't about political correctness, or "looking for something to be offended by." It is simply a matter of consideration and manners...There were an infinite number of comparatives you could have chosen to illustrate your point about correct comic book terminology. The fact that you chose the one you did...why?I think we get your point. They are balloons, not bubbles. Fine. Your comparative example sucked. Just as you ask us not to use terms that bother, offend or piss you off, I'm asking you publicly to not use racially insensitive terms and epithets on the board as well. Or is that something you would have a problem with?
Once again, Byrne replies:
Ignorance is the key, but not on my part. There are many places in this country where people to this day use "nigger" when referring to Black people because that's the word they use. They don't think of it as a racial slur. They don't think about it at all, in fact. It simply is.This is not even considering Black people who themselves use the word. We cannot, surely, imagine that it is used in that context as a racial slur?"Nigger" is -- like so many others -- a word with a complex etymology and an even more complex pattern of use.
Other highlights of Byrne’s rantings include his proclamation that Hispanic women with blond hair look like hookers. Not to be missed!
And finally, I leave you with this. Ta ta!
Well, I didn’t, because I had a sack full of pork chops, and I’m intensely afraid that I’m going to be poisoned by bad meat someday, so I had to get right home to put them in the fridge.
But it started an idea brewing, and I think I may have found a new mission: to create progressive tracts, of the Jack Chick variety, which I can leave on windshields of offensive cars. Plot ideas welcome.
I never watch the insipid Jay Leno if I can help it, but did anyone catch Bright Eyes’ performance last week? He sang a little ditty (well, maybe sang is a bit generous) called “When The President Talks to God”:
When the president talks to God
Are the conversations brief or long?
Does he ask to rape our women’s' rights
And send poor farm kids off to die?
Does God suggest an oil hike
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute all down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
I wonder which one plays the better cop
We should find some jobs. the ghetto's broke
No, they're lazy, George, I say we don't
Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke
That's what God recommends
When the president talks to God
Do they drink near beer and go play golf
While they pick which countries to invade
Which Muslim souls still can be saved?
I guess god just calls a spade a spade
When the president talks to God
When the president talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he's not?
That that voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the president talks to God?
I doubt it
And speaking of God, here’s a link to the sermon by George Regas I mentioned last week, in defense of ecumenicalism.
And speaking of the National Cathedral, last week the Queen Mother of Swaziland was there!
And speaking of the President, is he retarded? Here’s a transcript of a recent exchange from his Social Security-a-Palooza tour. He was addressing Fidel Vagas, a fellow Republican who had come out to support his hare-brained scheme:
PRESIDENT BUSH: Great job, thanks for coming. The fact that you went to Harvard bothers me more than the fact that you didn't vote for me.
MR. VARGAS: We both went to HBS [Harvard Business School].
PRESIDENT BUSH: That's right. I forgot that part. Good job. Thanks for coming.
Is he…I mean….uh, forget it. I have nothing.
When I get done reading Christian comic book tracts, and am still bored, I turn to my other favorite pastime, reading internet comic book message boards.
Where one STILL can’t escape religious arguments.
To wit: a recent posting on the DC Comics website, where “sensorsnake” has a TERRIFIC idea for a new super-hero:
I propose DC adds a new superhero to the JLA. His name is Shepard and he fights injustice and evil in a Christian way. While the JLA fights to protect earth from alien threats, Shepard's focus would be to protect innocents such as unborn children. What does everyone think?
Rest assured, “everyone” didn’t think much of sensorsnake’s brainstorm. I guess Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, et al, who defend the defenseless, protect the innocent, have a high moral code that prevents them from killing even the vilest of bad guys, and generally, well, ACT LIKE CHRISTIANS, aren't enough, now we need a super-hero who specializes in bombing abortion clinics?
Heh. If Superman showed up tomorrow, in the real world, James Dobson (who is of the devil ) and his ilk would denounce him as the Antichrist by sundown.
Also good for laughs is the personal web domain of John Byrne. Byrne, a powerhouse comic book artist who began his career in the early 70’s, and became a superstar of sorts for his work on The X-Men in the late 70’s/ early 80’s, is at least 50% responsible for the X-Men being such a viable movie franchise.
Lately, like the last 15 years or so, he’s become a trifle unhinged, attacking other creators, attacking his own fans, and generally being a giant dick.
Here’s a recent exchange, which began because Byrne was enraged by people who use the term “word bubble” (which is apparently incorrect) instead of “word balloon” (which is, apparently, correct).
So, a message board visitor said:
Then this all brings up the question of language. Do words have inherent meanings or just those we ascribe to them? If enough pros, in addition to the fans, say "speech bubble" then why wouldn't "bubble" be just as valid as "balloon"? JB says "balloon", someone else says "bubble", and they could both be right.
To which, Byrne responds:
There are lots of people who call Black people "niggers". Are both terms "right"? You seem to have missed the rather important point that my response indicated roughly the same percentage of fans and pros use the improper terms for various elements of what we do -- but that percentage does not approach a balance. It is not that roughly half say "balloon" and half say "bubble". It is that some say "bubble" and they are wrong.
Another user states:
Um, we don't avoid using the word "nigger" because it's incorrect usage. We avoid using it because it's incredibly racist and hateful. Is there an ethnic group that's impugned when someone says "thought bubbles" instead of "thought balloons"?
Byrne again:
"Um..." in point of fact there are plenty of people who use the word "nigger" because that is the word they use, not because they imagine it has any negative racial connotations. That's precisely why I chose that word as my illustration.
Another response from the crowd:
Enough already with the casual tossing around of racist epithets!John, you cannot possibly be that ignorant to believe that people who use racial slurs do so without any negative intent or connotation. If you do indeed believe that, I strongly encourage you to seek some counsel and educate yourself on the matter, if you don't want to take my word for it. I've only been black and lived in this country for, oh, my entire life, so I may not be aware of how things really are out there...We spend an awful lot of time on this board dealing with the issue of respect, as it pertains to comic book characters, comic book terminology, reverence for creator's original visions, nicknames for comic book characters, etc. People tread lightly on eggshells out of fear of upsetting you and your many rules for how seriously this wonderful hobby of our should be taken, both by us within it and by those civilians outside of it. How about we extend that same measure of respect to the people who participate in this board?We're supposed to take your word for how things should be in the industry, how characters are supposed to be treated, etc because of your years of experience. How about you extend me the same courtesy on this issue?This isn't about political correctness, or "looking for something to be offended by." It is simply a matter of consideration and manners...There were an infinite number of comparatives you could have chosen to illustrate your point about correct comic book terminology. The fact that you chose the one you did...why?I think we get your point. They are balloons, not bubbles. Fine. Your comparative example sucked. Just as you ask us not to use terms that bother, offend or piss you off, I'm asking you publicly to not use racially insensitive terms and epithets on the board as well. Or is that something you would have a problem with?
Once again, Byrne replies:
Ignorance is the key, but not on my part. There are many places in this country where people to this day use "nigger" when referring to Black people because that's the word they use. They don't think of it as a racial slur. They don't think about it at all, in fact. It simply is.This is not even considering Black people who themselves use the word. We cannot, surely, imagine that it is used in that context as a racial slur?"Nigger" is -- like so many others -- a word with a complex etymology and an even more complex pattern of use.
Other highlights of Byrne’s rantings include his proclamation that Hispanic women with blond hair look like hookers. Not to be missed!
And finally, I leave you with this. Ta ta!
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Every time....
....I see the name "Malachy", I think of the movie "Children of the Corn", which for some reason was my favorite movie for, oh, about three teenage years.
I'm sure it had NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with Peter Horton spending half the movie with his shirt off.
Anyway, I set out to refute the kooky prognostications of St. Malachy, and promised to do it “tomorrow”, which was about a week ago. So sue me. I’ve been ever so busy trying to “gather research” (also known as mindlessly surfing the internet) and, the simple fact is, EVERYONE BELIEVES IT. So I’m just going to have to do it myself. What else should I expect from a nation that thinks an oil stain on a freeway underpass is the Virgin Mary?
To recap: St. Malachy (1094-1148) was an Irish Benedictine bishop who is said to have predicted, by means of brief phrases for each one, a characteristic feature of the reign of every Roman Catholic pope, from the beginning of the papacy to the very end. A total of 112 popes were listed in a book published by Benedictine friar Arnold de Wyon in the year 1590.
The authenticity of the book has been doubted since the 17th century and, in fact, it is now widely assumed that the “prophecies” were written by Wyon himself. There are no mentions of Malachy's Prophecies prior to 1590 in any official or unofficial Church record, and none of Malachy's contemporaries (including Bernard of Clairvaux, who wrote Malachy's biography and was his close friend) reference the document, and as the Benedictines at the time of Arnold de Wyon's "discovery" were fighting for their survival (many of their monasteries had been sacked and their members killed during the wars of the Protestant Reformation) and a document that showed the Benedictines in a good light would have been a godsend to the embattled order, and as the manuscript has itself disappeared and only notes about its contents survive, most contemporary, responsible, reputable scholars believe the thing to be a fake from beginning to end. Including me.
The descriptive phrases of popes BEFORE Wion’s time are quite accurate, while those coming after require a good deal of stretching to make them fit. For instance, the phrase attributed to the late John Paul II was "De Labore Solis" (Of the Solar Eclipse, or From the Toil of the Sun). Most scholars of prophecy seem to think this fits because of the “fact” that John Paul II was born during a solar eclipse.
A partial solar eclipse.
Visible only in Australia (he was born in Poland. Very far from Australia.)
Pope Benedict XVI is Pope # 111 in Malachy’s list, “The Glory of the Olive”. His choice of the name Benedict seems to instantly fulfill the prophecy, Saint Benedict purportedly prophesied that before the end of the world his Order, known also as the Olivetans, will triumphantly lead the Catholic Church in its final fight against evil.
Except, well, that’s fudging things a little bit, because the Olivetans are a particular sect of the Benedictines. All Olivetans are Benedictines, but not all Benedictines are Olivetans. Plus, the Pope isn’t a Benedictine.
So, to be completely sure that Pope Benedict XVI IS the fulfillment of prophecy, we better look for something a little less tenuous. Maybe he likes martinis? (Trust me, I’ve known some Catholics in my day, and they can put the hooch away!)
There is also every reason to believe that the Vatican is not only well aware of Malachy’s prophecy, but actively trying to make it look as though each new Pope is fulfilling it.
Like the fact that a Papal portrait gallery in the Vatican only has two more empty spaces in it; one for Benedict, and one for his successor, which would bring us to the end of Malachy’s list and, presumably, to the end of the world.
Like the fact that the American Cardinal Spellman was so eager to become Pope that when Piux XII was near death and the next Pope, according to Malachy, was to be "pastor et nauta" (shepherd and navigator), he hired an Italian sailor to take him on a cruise down the Tiber River with a flock of sheep on board. It didn't take; the next Pope was Angelo Roncalli, who took the name John XXIII. He had served for a time in Venice, a city of many waterways where EVERYONE’S a sailor, and after his election, he promised to be a "good shepherd" to his flock.
Um, yeah, well…that’s kind of the Pope’s JOB, isn’t it?
So, that’s my take. If there’s one thing Carl Sagan taught me, it’s that specious reasoning is for sissies!
Now, at the risk of offending all my Catholic pals, I’m afraid I’ve raised a quizzical eyebrow or two at some of the pronouncements of this new Pope of theirs. Like that all Protestant denominations are “sects”, and the sex-abuse scandal was just “a secular attack on the Church”, and the like.
But THIS takes the cake.
He says Harry potter books "undermine the soul of Christianity".
No word yet whether priests molesting children has the same effect.
Speaking of religion, I had to sing last Saturday at the installation of the new Dean of the National Cathedral, Samuel Lloyd. Nothing TOO interesting, except that Sandra Day O’Connor was there, and she looks EXACTLY like Grandma Walton. I’m not kidding.
But then, the next day, the Dean’s pal George Regas sermonized, and said all manner of shocking things, like he didn’t think Christ was the ONLY way to God, and how we should work in concert with other religions for social justice, and all sorts of hate-filled ideas like that. A quick Google search showed me all sorts of reasons to like Dr. Regas, like this and this , and so I dropped him an email of appreciation, and he wrote back the very same day! I’m a reg’lar ambassador of good will!
Money quote: “God, for me, is defined by Christ, but not confined by Christ”
Preach on, brother.
Also last weekend, Jet and I officially became Americans. That is, we used the extra money from refinancing our mortgage to buy things we didn’t really need, like a front-loading washer and a surround sound system. Let me tell you, I’m sure I don’t know how I survived without either one for so long. Isn’t capitalism great?
So great, in fact, that some people are desperately filling the internet with lies to get here. Case in Point: “Yulia”, a sweet young Russian gal who’s been corresponding with LSBB’s friend “RJ”. How he got involved I’m still not sure of, but this girl is working him but good.
I mean, how is a poor defenseless straight man supposed to react when receiving in his inbox the following:
By the way I like oral and normal (usual) sex. I DISLIKE sexual orgies and group sex. But I like to try something new in sex relations and I like some experiments.
Errrr…..nice to meet you, too! Oh, she also dislikes anal sex and gay people, in case you were wondering.
Of course, after enticing him with carnal thoughts, she drops the bomb:
Yesterday before I gone to sleep I thought about us so much and I understood that I falling in love to you. With every day you take more and more space in my head. And I think about you constantly. I had a dream and in my dream I saw you RJ! All the night you was in front of my eyes. When I got up I thought about it and I believe it's not bychance. I want to tell you that I really sense the feeling to you. And I want to let you know that we need to meet each other.Don't you think so? Our meeting will be great thing in our lifes. Do you agree with me? I have insuperable wish to meet you in person. I believe it can be possible! This is real thing! I think if we will want it we need to have meeting. I believe our meeting will help to know usbetter and more closer! I'm sure that I would like to meet you RJ. I feel that you have become more closer to me. I tell you all about my life and I will tell more if you will ask. I feel that you have become more than just a friend to me and I want to tellyou three words of love. But you must know I want to tell you it now! I had a dream about our meeting! I really want to know you, speak to you, take your hand and see your eyes. Maybe it's very frankly now but it's true and I don't want to hide it. I always say the true and don't like when people lie. I hate it!
Of course, love does come at a price…
I have the good news for you! Yesterday I make the application for a cominginto your country and I will get the visa for it soon! I went in the organization which makes the documents for a coming through embassy. I hope I will get the documents permitting to come! Today I will give them the medical informations and other types of papers for registration of visa. All necessary documents will cost about 314 dollars for me.
And then…
I want to ask you my RJ: CAN YOU FIND OUT INFORMATION ABOUT COST OF FLIGHTTICKET YOU? FROM MOSCOW TO NEAREST INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT TO YOU. I ask you because I really need in this information.
LSBB thinks she’s a poor heartsick girl who desperately wants a way out of her Siberian hovel, but I’ve got money on the table that within three days she asks him to pony up the 314 dollars, or perhaps tests his mettle first by asking him to send a sewing machine to her mother or something. The suspense, I can’t stand it!
I'm sure it had NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with Peter Horton spending half the movie with his shirt off.
Anyway, I set out to refute the kooky prognostications of St. Malachy, and promised to do it “tomorrow”, which was about a week ago. So sue me. I’ve been ever so busy trying to “gather research” (also known as mindlessly surfing the internet) and, the simple fact is, EVERYONE BELIEVES IT. So I’m just going to have to do it myself. What else should I expect from a nation that thinks an oil stain on a freeway underpass is the Virgin Mary?
To recap: St. Malachy (1094-1148) was an Irish Benedictine bishop who is said to have predicted, by means of brief phrases for each one, a characteristic feature of the reign of every Roman Catholic pope, from the beginning of the papacy to the very end. A total of 112 popes were listed in a book published by Benedictine friar Arnold de Wyon in the year 1590.
The authenticity of the book has been doubted since the 17th century and, in fact, it is now widely assumed that the “prophecies” were written by Wyon himself. There are no mentions of Malachy's Prophecies prior to 1590 in any official or unofficial Church record, and none of Malachy's contemporaries (including Bernard of Clairvaux, who wrote Malachy's biography and was his close friend) reference the document, and as the Benedictines at the time of Arnold de Wyon's "discovery" were fighting for their survival (many of their monasteries had been sacked and their members killed during the wars of the Protestant Reformation) and a document that showed the Benedictines in a good light would have been a godsend to the embattled order, and as the manuscript has itself disappeared and only notes about its contents survive, most contemporary, responsible, reputable scholars believe the thing to be a fake from beginning to end. Including me.
The descriptive phrases of popes BEFORE Wion’s time are quite accurate, while those coming after require a good deal of stretching to make them fit. For instance, the phrase attributed to the late John Paul II was "De Labore Solis" (Of the Solar Eclipse, or From the Toil of the Sun). Most scholars of prophecy seem to think this fits because of the “fact” that John Paul II was born during a solar eclipse.
A partial solar eclipse.
Visible only in Australia (he was born in Poland. Very far from Australia.)
Pope Benedict XVI is Pope # 111 in Malachy’s list, “The Glory of the Olive”. His choice of the name Benedict seems to instantly fulfill the prophecy, Saint Benedict purportedly prophesied that before the end of the world his Order, known also as the Olivetans, will triumphantly lead the Catholic Church in its final fight against evil.
Except, well, that’s fudging things a little bit, because the Olivetans are a particular sect of the Benedictines. All Olivetans are Benedictines, but not all Benedictines are Olivetans. Plus, the Pope isn’t a Benedictine.
So, to be completely sure that Pope Benedict XVI IS the fulfillment of prophecy, we better look for something a little less tenuous. Maybe he likes martinis? (Trust me, I’ve known some Catholics in my day, and they can put the hooch away!)
There is also every reason to believe that the Vatican is not only well aware of Malachy’s prophecy, but actively trying to make it look as though each new Pope is fulfilling it.
Like the fact that a Papal portrait gallery in the Vatican only has two more empty spaces in it; one for Benedict, and one for his successor, which would bring us to the end of Malachy’s list and, presumably, to the end of the world.
Like the fact that the American Cardinal Spellman was so eager to become Pope that when Piux XII was near death and the next Pope, according to Malachy, was to be "pastor et nauta" (shepherd and navigator), he hired an Italian sailor to take him on a cruise down the Tiber River with a flock of sheep on board. It didn't take; the next Pope was Angelo Roncalli, who took the name John XXIII. He had served for a time in Venice, a city of many waterways where EVERYONE’S a sailor, and after his election, he promised to be a "good shepherd" to his flock.
Um, yeah, well…that’s kind of the Pope’s JOB, isn’t it?
So, that’s my take. If there’s one thing Carl Sagan taught me, it’s that specious reasoning is for sissies!
Now, at the risk of offending all my Catholic pals, I’m afraid I’ve raised a quizzical eyebrow or two at some of the pronouncements of this new Pope of theirs. Like that all Protestant denominations are “sects”, and the sex-abuse scandal was just “a secular attack on the Church”, and the like.
But THIS takes the cake.
He says Harry potter books "undermine the soul of Christianity".
No word yet whether priests molesting children has the same effect.
Speaking of religion, I had to sing last Saturday at the installation of the new Dean of the National Cathedral, Samuel Lloyd. Nothing TOO interesting, except that Sandra Day O’Connor was there, and she looks EXACTLY like Grandma Walton. I’m not kidding.
But then, the next day, the Dean’s pal George Regas sermonized, and said all manner of shocking things, like he didn’t think Christ was the ONLY way to God, and how we should work in concert with other religions for social justice, and all sorts of hate-filled ideas like that. A quick Google search showed me all sorts of reasons to like Dr. Regas, like this and this , and so I dropped him an email of appreciation, and he wrote back the very same day! I’m a reg’lar ambassador of good will!
Money quote: “God, for me, is defined by Christ, but not confined by Christ”
Preach on, brother.
Also last weekend, Jet and I officially became Americans. That is, we used the extra money from refinancing our mortgage to buy things we didn’t really need, like a front-loading washer and a surround sound system. Let me tell you, I’m sure I don’t know how I survived without either one for so long. Isn’t capitalism great?
So great, in fact, that some people are desperately filling the internet with lies to get here. Case in Point: “Yulia”, a sweet young Russian gal who’s been corresponding with LSBB’s friend “RJ”. How he got involved I’m still not sure of, but this girl is working him but good.
I mean, how is a poor defenseless straight man supposed to react when receiving in his inbox the following:
By the way I like oral and normal (usual) sex. I DISLIKE sexual orgies and group sex. But I like to try something new in sex relations and I like some experiments.
Errrr…..nice to meet you, too! Oh, she also dislikes anal sex and gay people, in case you were wondering.
Of course, after enticing him with carnal thoughts, she drops the bomb:
Yesterday before I gone to sleep I thought about us so much and I understood that I falling in love to you. With every day you take more and more space in my head. And I think about you constantly. I had a dream and in my dream I saw you RJ! All the night you was in front of my eyes. When I got up I thought about it and I believe it's not bychance. I want to tell you that I really sense the feeling to you. And I want to let you know that we need to meet each other.Don't you think so? Our meeting will be great thing in our lifes. Do you agree with me? I have insuperable wish to meet you in person. I believe it can be possible! This is real thing! I think if we will want it we need to have meeting. I believe our meeting will help to know usbetter and more closer! I'm sure that I would like to meet you RJ. I feel that you have become more closer to me. I tell you all about my life and I will tell more if you will ask. I feel that you have become more than just a friend to me and I want to tellyou three words of love. But you must know I want to tell you it now! I had a dream about our meeting! I really want to know you, speak to you, take your hand and see your eyes. Maybe it's very frankly now but it's true and I don't want to hide it. I always say the true and don't like when people lie. I hate it!
Of course, love does come at a price…
I have the good news for you! Yesterday I make the application for a cominginto your country and I will get the visa for it soon! I went in the organization which makes the documents for a coming through embassy. I hope I will get the documents permitting to come! Today I will give them the medical informations and other types of papers for registration of visa. All necessary documents will cost about 314 dollars for me.
And then…
I want to ask you my RJ: CAN YOU FIND OUT INFORMATION ABOUT COST OF FLIGHTTICKET YOU? FROM MOSCOW TO NEAREST INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT TO YOU. I ask you because I really need in this information.
LSBB thinks she’s a poor heartsick girl who desperately wants a way out of her Siberian hovel, but I’ve got money on the table that within three days she asks him to pony up the 314 dollars, or perhaps tests his mettle first by asking him to send a sewing machine to her mother or something. The suspense, I can’t stand it!
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